Kiss
Puke
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
