Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
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