he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
