the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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