just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
