I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
