Buhtt sex?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
