Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
