You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Randomize
