you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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