Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
