i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Is her dick bigger than yours?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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