im having a threesome with these popsicles
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
