Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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