the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize