I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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