i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
