I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
