here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
false alarm. still invincible.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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