is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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