nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
