in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
