i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Randomize
