thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
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P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
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I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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