Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
