dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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