she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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