i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
