You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
