Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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