Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
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