currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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