Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
