he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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