So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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