ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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