At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
You can't just leave with hair like that
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
