I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
