If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
