Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
