He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
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