Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
