I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
only if we run a train.
done.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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