Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
