Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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