Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
