I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
