I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
