Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize
