Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
