That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
