We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
