I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
