Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
