Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
