I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.