She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.