dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I'm like, not good at living.