I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
let's call it "werewolfing"
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?