True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch