Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.