Where did you get a picture of my penis
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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