Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
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