so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I could make wine with my vomit
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
