So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
