3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
