and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
