You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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