i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
