please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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