He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
