Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
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I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
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Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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