Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
My ATM looks so different sober.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
