He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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