You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Randomize
