Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
